how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
