i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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