Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
