Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
