mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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