where am i from again
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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