you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So many bounce houses so little time
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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