Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
