Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
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