Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
