I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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