I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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