Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize