god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
