i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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