I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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