Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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