look no pants
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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