The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dating After Heartbreak
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?