girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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