i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
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i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.