She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
