Swine flu. Run for my life!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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