I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
