tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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