i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
