My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
