Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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