Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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