Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
