Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
