just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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