what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
