Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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