Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
