Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
