i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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