i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
