Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
