Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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