i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
