All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
