There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
