Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
