Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
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I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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