I'm drive I can fine osifer
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
