this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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