thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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