Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the day after is always just damage control
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
did you just send me my own nude
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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