i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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