I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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