well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
