Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
