I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
