Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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