We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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