i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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