im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
