saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
