So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
