if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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