i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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