Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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