I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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