Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
