I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
