so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
