My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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