Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
