bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
