i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
